I am finally beginning to feel at home again but have not really found my place at the base and have been unable...or maybe unwilling(?) to start thinking much about vision for the future. I don’t understand what has precipitated this, but the 2nd paragraph of the Jesus Calling entry for 26 December hit me right where I am currently living!
“When you are dissatisfied with your behavior, you tend to feel unworthy of My Love. You may unconsciously punish yourself by withdrawing from Me and attributing the distance between us to My displeasure. Instead of returning to Me and receiving My Love, you attempt to earn My approval by trying harder….” And that is where I seem to be stuck at this point in time. I have always been a “try harder” kind of gal. The root of that “gotta be perfect to be loved” weed is SO deep and SO subtle!!
I have been doing what has to be done…going to the base one day a week working on the data entry for May-December but right now my heart isn’t really in it.
