Some people have been concerned about me and suggested that I see a doctor and get some anti-depressants but I am reluctant to take such a step.
When I went on the 27th of February Ang’ullo(Clinical Officer and husband of our Rose) told me that he would not recommend antidepressants for me. He preferred to talk and find out the reason I am feeling stuck…or paralyzed. So, on Tuesday this week he came to my house and we talked again. I finally opened up and told him about the generous invitation of Anke to come to Aura, Uganda and admitted how overwhelmed I felt at the thought of travelling alone to a new place and meeting new people when I feel so emotionally fragile. And at the same time feeling so ashamed that I am being so weak and whiney. Most of my life I have been able to just suck it up and so whatever was required…. but I find I can’t do that anymore….and that is scary
My second appointment with Ang’ullo was pushed to Tuesday because I was in town with various base issues all morning and by afternoon I was kaput. He is trying to help me see the glass as half-full instead of half-empty. To look at what I AM accomplishing every day/week rather than focusing on the long list of things that I am NOT accomplishing.
I guess just verbalizing is helping me get perspective. Right now, toward the end of week one, I continue to feel empty as if I have nothing to give and the devotional time is just dry words BUT I choose to believe that the joy and sense of His presence will come in due time if I don’t grow weary and give up.
