21 October 2014
I have been quite remiss about communicating to friends since I have been back home in Mombasa and I really do need to apologize to everyone for that. To tell the honest truth, I have been procrastinating because I have been, wait for it…. disappointed... with myself for not living up to the goals I committed myself to accomplish. I have been in a pit of sorts (the slough of despond perhaps?), but am denied the “luxury” of sliding clear to the bottom, because of my responsibilities (and I am sure that is a good thing). I had such enthusiasm for the task when I was in Seattle preparing to return, but once I hit Mombasa, I sort of ran out of gas and coasted to a stop. It has been 6 weeks and one trunk has still not been unpacked. Although, I do have the ground floor of my house organized, my bedroom looks like a bomb went off in there and I hate waking up to that every day---but obviously not enough so far to get it all sorted.
I spent most of September trying to get back into “work” mode. There were days when I felt like I never wanted to leave my house or step back into leadership and other days when I felt a spark of creativity and enthusiasm for specific tasks. Then this month of October it has been my turn to lead. All base leadership team members rotate this responsibility on a monthly basis--it involves chairing all meetings of every kind; making all announcements; leading (or delegating someone else to lead) all 3 of the weekly worship & prayer times; making sure that staff are following through with commitments; mediating any interpersonal conflicts that cannot be resolved one-on-one.
I have been again to meet with the Mash Surveyors about getting the RIM needed in order to get our new lease. They told me that the political standoff between Ministry of Lands and Land Commissioner in Nairobi is ongoing and so advised me to go back to the Ministry of Lands in Mombasa and ask them to write a letter requesting the survey---which I will be doing this next week. Nothing is simple.
In late September Fridah went to staff a LDC (the school I did last year in Zambia) for 6-7 weeks in Mali so it is just Karen and myself sharing the leadership load—as they have been doing during my 3 month furlough in the States. Karen has asked for next week off and the week after that she goes to Athi River base to teach in their DTS for the week---so basically, I will be “alone” in the leadership role for the rest of the month. I am not sure why this makes me feel insecure. Because of situations in the past where I did not handle things in a good way and wounded people??? I know that God knows what the problem is but I am very bewildered by my inertia.
I have been invited to teach on Stewardship at Athi River DTS 15th-19th December and I am stressed about that because my updated teaching notes were lost last year when my computer died. I think this indicates a real lack of faith on my part that I can (or will take the time needed?) to hear something fresh from God for this DTS.
I am thankful for friends who are willing to read through all of my stuff…the good, the bad and the ugly too.
